Hello there! I’m Betsy Hagen of the Midwest, and I’m going on an adventure!
You see, this complete and total stranger (who in no way, shape or form resembles my brother Tom), well, this complete stranger slipped me this curious ring in the middle of the quesadilla course. He swore me to an oath to carry the thing from the darkest wilds of West Virginia to the legendary forests of Maine, and then into the deepest recesses atop Springer Mountain in the mystical land of Georgia!
“Am I to hurl it from the mountain?”, asked I, “for this peak lacks the traditional method of disposing of such rings.”
“No.”, cameth the answer, “You must carry it the length of the Eastern Seaboard, saving only Florida, then you must return it to the keychain from whence it came! Do you accept the quest?”
I answered him without words, by slipping the ring of base metal upon my finger… and suddenly all the quesadillas vanished!
So, friends, I will set out upon this most serious of quests before the sun rises tomorrow. I must make preparations! Yes! Sleep will not come tonight…
P.S. Has anyone seen my clean pocket handkerchieves?