Author Archives: atsioneva

… And will be back!

And to all, a good night!

‘Twas the night before summit, and through shelter-house
Not a creature was stirring – well, maybe a mouse;
The bear-bags were hung on the cables with care,
In hopes that no roaming bears soon would be there;
The people were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Katahdin danced in their heads;

And hikers in hammocks, and I in my tent,
Had just fallen asleep before the ascent,
When out in the trees there arose such a chatter,
I sat up in my bag to see what was the matter.
Next to my head, I found my handy flash,
Squinted a bit – nearly time to dash.

The moon was hid behind a cloud though
And gave very little light to objects below,
Nowhere to my sleepy eyes should appear,
Those same bear cables where hung my gear.
At o’dark thirty, it’s hard to be quick,
But soon I was striding along with a stick.

More rapid than eagles my fellow hikers came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, MINION! Now MAGIC ! now, HICCUP and WRECKIN’!
On, TINKER!, on, NOVA!, on, ORANGE CRUSH and PUMPKIN!
To the top of the mountain! to the top of it all!
Now dash away! dash away! dash on y’all!”

<This line just left blank due to writer’s block>
When they meet with an obstacle, climb up the rock,
So up to the mount-top the hikers they flew,
With daypacks with food, and waterbottles too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on world’s roof
The cheering and clapping of each silly goof.

As I conceded defeat, and was turning around,
Down the rockface many hikers headed southbound.
They went on their way, some gave a whistle,
And down they all went like some guided missile.
But I heard them exclaim, while still on the spike,
HAPPY TRAILS TO ALL, AND HIKE YOUR OWN HIKE!

Grandma got run over by a squirrel
Walking down the trail Midsummer’s Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Rocky
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

She’d been drinkin’ too much Michelob
And we’d begged her not to go
But hiking was her avocation
So she stumbled out & fell off the patio

When they found her the next mornin’
At the scene of the attack
There were nut shells on her forehead
And incriminatin’ paws marks on her back

Grandma got run over by a squirrel
Walking down the trail Midsummer’s Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Rocky
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now were all so proud of Grandpa
He’s been takin’ this so well
See him in there watchin’ football
Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with hiker Belle

It’s not the trail without Grandma
All the hikers’ dressed in black
And we just can’t help but wonder
Should we get her maildrops or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a squirrel
Walking down the trail Midsummer’s Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Rocky
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now the resupply’s on the table
And the backpack gapes open big
With a camo-wrapped handle
That would just have matched the one in Grandma’s rig

I’ve warned all the passing hikers
Better watch out for your GORP
They should always mind the forest
For squirrels who race up to help themselves

Grandma got run over by a squirrel
Walking down the trail Midsummer’s Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Rocky
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Oh the weather outside is frightful
And this hostel is so delightful
Are you sure you want to go?
I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
The boots are already sopping
The mists have fallen way down low
I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know!

When the sky’s not watertight,
And the temperature’s lukewarm,
But I guess if there’s still daylight
… Wait, now it’s a hailstorm.

The sky is still supplying,
And, the boots, they’re still a drying,
And why you urge me to go…
I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know!

Bear bells ring
are you listening
on the path
water’s glistening
A beautiful sight
we’re careful tonight
hiking in a lamp-lit timberland

Gone away is the Maine loon
here to play is a night tune
He sings a weird song
as we go along
hiking in a lamp-lit timberland

In the fire pit we can build a camp fire
Then pretend that we are Daniel Boone
You’ll say: Filled your water?
I’ll say: Too tired,
But you can do the job
when you go down

Later on
we’ll inquire
as we consult by the fire
To face unafraid
the course that we’ve laid
hiking in a lamp-lit timberland

The First Oh Well the hikers did say
Was to certain poor critters in shelters they lay;
In shelters they lay, on hills so steep,
On a cool springtime night when almost asleep.

Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well,
Squeaks in the place where we dwell

They looked up and saw a mouse
Racing in the roof of shelter-house,
And to backpacks it leapt so light,
And so commenced to nibble and bite.

Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well,
Squeaks in the place where we dwell

And by headlamp with many a groan
Three weary men rose from lying prone;
To save their food was their intent,
To discourage mouse wherever it went.

Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well,
Squeaks in the place where we dwell

This mouse skittered off so oppressed,
Weary men returned to rest,
And then it saw unguarded t.p.
And went upon a shredding spree.

Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well,
Squeaks in the place where we dwell

When wakened up those poor men three
Little wads were blowing free,
and stared they at unwelcome sight
The shelter mouse sleeps warm tonight!

Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well, Oh Well,
Squeaks in the place where we dwell

I’ll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please, no snow, bring espresso,
I’m off the AT.

Christmas Eve will find me
Where spiked cocoa steams
I’ll be home for Christmas
Check out my Facebook memes

I’ll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
I don’t know just how to go
Back to reality.

Christmas Eve will find me
Where there are no streams
I’ll be home for Christmas
I hike on, in my dreams.

I hike on, in my dreams…

On the first day of hiking the trail sent to me:
A Snorer in a Shelter

On the second day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the third day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the fourth day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the fifth day of hiking the trail sent to me:
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the sixth day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Six Tents a Soaking
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the seventh day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Seven Months a Walking
Six Tents a Soaking
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the eighth day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Eight Paths a Twisting
Seven Months a Walking
Six Tents a Soaking
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the ninth day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Nine Peaks Ascending
Eight Paths a Twisting
Seven Months a Walking
Six Tents a Soaking
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the tenth day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Ten Streams a Fording
Nine Peaks Ascending
Eight Paths a Twisting
Seven Months a Walking
Six Tents a Soaking
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the eleventh day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Eleven Roots Protruding
Ten Streams a Fording
Nine Peaks Ascending
Eight Paths a Twisting
Seven Months a Walking
Six Tents a Soaking
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
and a Snorer in a Shelter

On the twelfth day of hiking the trail sent to me:
Twelve Rocks a Tripping
Eleven Roots Protruding
Ten Streams a Fording
Nine Peaks Ascending
Eight Paths a Twisting
Seven Months a Walking
Six Tents a Soaking
FIVE HOURS OF RAIN
Four PBRs
Three Zero Days
Two Trail Angels
… and a Snorer in a Shelter!